How ironic that I saw this during Macro.

I hate people.

This morning I got up and went to Spanish... and now Macro... and then I'm going to Justice, and then USFP, and then Theories of Democracy, which is completely amazing because it means that I'll be attending all of my classes. GASP! This just doesn't happen, people.

Of course, maybe "attending" class theoretically involves listening during class, whereas I spent my Macro class discovering Facebook photo albums and surfing web comics. Woohoo. Now, I'm going to follow a classmate's example and do some online shopping.

I have nothing else to say... but I hope that ad brought you a little joy.

Debate tournament + a close friend's visit = stress and fun

Well, ladies and gentlemen, I have emerged victorious from an eventful week.

As remarked in an earlier entry, Crystal arrived here Sunday night. She'd already met Ash when Ash visited me in Elizabeth City, and I introduced her to Adam, Rachel, Ian, the NARC regulars, and numerous friends. She was quite fond of DC by the time she left, and has accepted, as I did so long ago, that it owns Elizabeth City. Also, DCers are much cooler than ECers.

And, of course, the DC crowd was quite fond of Crystal as well.

Today she left, so we had a farewell dinner at Casa Fiesta. But first, there were pictures...



I dropped her off at Union Station at five, and although I have no real desire to go back to Elizabeth City it was very strange to watch someone else do it.

On Friday and Saturday, the AU Debate Society held its tournament. For those who aren't in the know, we're members of the American Parliamentary Debate Association. Universities all over the nation send teams to such tournaments, and they're always fun, but this was my first time participating as a judge instead of a debater.

First, Ash and I registered teams... this is the exciting part, because it means taking their money.

Because this tournament fell near Halloween weekend, and also because APDA debaters are severely repressed souls, we saw some interesting costumes. (The guy with the wings changed Ash's life... if you watch her blog, I'm sure you'll see a note on him.)



We're going to a tournament this weekend at GW... wish us luck!

No! No! I was over my rage issues! Don't make me go back there!

My sleep deficit is growing ever larger, and it brings with its massive bulk an ever-increasing store of RAGE AND IRRITABILITY. I'm not quite as crazy as I was over the summer, rest assured, but I'm not the kind of diplomat you want representing your country, either.

French Diplomat: Um, we feel that France is a completely independent country, Ms. Kuhl. Please sit down.
Kat: *red faced* WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT??? CLEARLY THE FACT THAT WE AIDED YOU DURING THE FRENCH REVOLUTION ESTABLISHES OUR OWNERSHIP OF YOU!!
French Diplomat: Um, no. Also, you didn't.
Kat: WE WOULD HAVE IF YOU DIDN'T SUCK!!
French Diplomat: *in a text message to his government* Let's bomb the US.

Last night, I heard that my roommate had found a bug in our room, and had therefore left to go chill at a friend's because she's freakishly terrified of bugs. There's no reason for that to upset me, right? Well, my reaction was "Why would she DO that?!" **rage.** I heart my roommie like whoa and I do not want to be bitchy to her, of all people.

There were people in the NARC all night, cackling and playing ping pong, and my reaction was "GAH! WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT!" because having fun is like a personal affront to me. (Because they were male, Crystal and I turned on Lifetime and chick music... unfortunately, it had no effect.)

In her genial way, Ash pointed out that occasionally things will upset me, because the world will not change to suit my desires. I wholeheartedly agree. Therefore, I am a little confused about why the clicking of the ping pong balls was making me WANT TO COMMIT MURDER.

I think I need sedatives. No, really.

I am hoping to take tonight to relax and sleep and engage in stress-relieving activities... but I can't think of any.

Yesterday I gave Crystal a tour of Dupont Circle. We went in a guitar store, walking up a narrow, creepy staircase and entering a claustrophobic little room filled with guitar cases. Good times. We went in the side room, and Crystal picked up an acoustic while I stared out the window at the Dupont traffic. I realized that I cannot imagine doing something -- like playing the guitar -- just because I love it.

I don't write because I love it. I don't do photography because I love it. I don't study languages because I love it. On the contrary, while I was originally interested in all these things, my interest has now dwindled into a resentment of perceived obligation... I write because I have to, I write because it's expected, I don't write at all - and the same with everything else.

I can't imagine just having fun, without wondering if I'm going to be good at an activity, better than my competitors -- I can't imagine just doing something that makes me happy. I don't think that's normal.

According to Crystal, I obsess over everything and I'm going to give myself a hernia. Wow. I don't want to be that person.

I wish I knew where to start... but I hate myself even for writing journal entries like this, awkward and clunky and whining, and I hate myself for saying things like that, for acknowledging my problems without changing them, and for saying weak things like "I wish I knew where to start" and I just wish I weren't in class so I could hurt myself; I haven't felt like this in a long, long time.

In a nice throwback to my high school self, I wish I had control.

Ahhhh... The only thing better than hours of relaxation is a post filled with pictures!

Yes, I am wallowing in the mud hole of relaxation, and it's ever so much fun and completely deserved. After our escapade with the stupid metro rule and its disastrous consequences (Saturday), I remembered that I had two midterms and a paper due on Monday. One of these midterms and the paper was due for US Foreign Policy, my class of angst. Of course, this didn't stop me from hanging around with Adam, his brother, Caroline, Rach, and Ash for the better part of the night, swapping stories about crazy relatives and stalkers. A good time was had by all... unfortunately, this good time sort of led to Sunday Death.

Sunday Death... it's a little known disease that came over on merchant ships from South Africa, carried by rats and small monkeys, and once you have been bitten by one of the infected, you must choose between DYING OF STRESS and failing all your classes... I chose dying of stress, and, as I usually do, got lucky. I think I'm building up an immunity. Take that, monkeys!

I pulled a sort-of-all-nighter on Sunday night... specifically, I got an hour of sleep (7:15-8:15). I then dropped off a paper at my 8:30 class, came home, studied like mad, took a Macro exam, skipped Justice to proof my USFP paper, dropped off said paper, took that exam and then a long breath. Let me tell you... that feeling of happiness when it's all over makes everything you've gone through worth it... ah, blissful, blissful LACK OF PAIN... I came home, and collapsed, and by collapsed what I clearly mean is "cleaned my room, had dinner, went out with Crystal."

Oh, I guess that's newsworthy... Crystal, in a completely unplanned development, is visiting me. She'll be here until Sunday. Yay! Unfortunately, the weather isn't cooperating with our plans and I haven't really gotten to show her DC yet. Hopefully, however, we will be clubbing it up on Thursday night... which means skipping debate, which I am thoroughly okay with, due to incidents of last Friday that I can't journal. I hate it when I can't journal important stuff for stupid reasons, but hopefully you all know by now.

I'm making a little extra cash tomorrow from 9:00-12:30... and a lot of extra cash staffing a tournament at the NARC (for which I unfortunately won't get paid for another couple of weeks, but when I do, my paycheck will be -- to quote Adam -- THIS big --------------------------------).

The new Mask of Zorro comes out Friday -- and Crystal will actually be here for it! I wish she could stay until Halloween night... but apparently she has these "class" things to attend... how very Communist of her.

And at last, some photos from when Rick stayed with us weekend before last... Hover your mouse over the picture for comments.










And from when I made Shea into a dirty Mexican (bruise in the second picture (c) Kat 2005)...




And, finally, some random antics...











And there you have it... I love college.

This is a tale of mystery and terror... and it ends with the MPD.

First, a quote from Macro on Thursday... I include these because I know you've come to expect them. Here goes:

"You know, if you want to have a good sex life, here's a great toothpaste!"

Second, a prof brought in a speaker who revealed to us that, based on a study on rehab and prison time that he'd conducted, Steelers fans are more likely to favor prison without rehab. That's right, folks... Steelers are tough on crime. This presentation came complete with pretty bar graphs, and it made my day.

And third, you're about to read the disturbing story of two little girls' Saturdays, rife with hysteria, amusement, and pain.

It started out at the Tenleytown metro station, where Ashley -- a good, decent person who does not deserve the crap she goes through -- found that her $5 transaction was being denied. Now, Ashley worked like a madwoman all summer; every time she called me, she was driving home from a day of dealing with really stupid people who said things like "I don't trust the quality of y'all's black women!"

Because of this, Ashley returned to school with money like whoa, and the idea that she had no money caused her an understandable amount of pain. Apparently, her bank had screwed up all her deposits since the school year began... and she was massively overdrawn.

I put $5 on her SmartTrip using my credit card, and we moved on. (Things that will be important later will be in bold.)Despite this misfortune, we merrily ran off and amused ourselves and later got together with Adam and the lovely Caroline. I tried to put some more money on Ash's SmartTrip, and my transaction was denied. I flipped out and called Wachovia to confirm that I actually had something in there -- which I did, so I was left confused. Since neither of us were negative just yet, it was okay, and we decided to try our luck later, since no doubt it was just a problem with the machine -- right? Right?

At 6:45ish, Ash and I left the Adam's Family (hahaha! no, seriously!), because I had to work at 7:30 and we were all the way in Dupont. We got down to the metro and, as I went to put money on our SmartTrips, praying that everything would be okay since we actually were negative and needed this money to get home -- I discovered that my card STILL WASN'T WORKING!

I went over to talk to the station manager, who, by the way, may well have been the rudest man ever -- and he informed us of a little rule. Would you like to guess what that rule is? You don't have to. I'll tell you! People can only use their credit cards to add money to their SmartTrip cards once a day.

If you're paying attention, you'll know that I already used mine to add money to Ash's.

*cue blind terror and panic*

We stumbled blindly out of the metro (it was now 7:15 - did I mention the work at 7:30?) and started wandering down Mass Ave in search of a bus. We found nothing.

We tried to hail a cab, but the only cab that takes credit cards operates only in Bethesda.

In despair, we turned around and headed back to the metro... ...TO BEG FOR CHANGE.

Dear Lord. I'm a sophomore in college at a $40K a year school, wandering around in business shirts with a cell phone and a digital camera. And there I was... begging for change.

Ash had a little run-in with a homeless man... he asked us if we could spare some change, and she -- again, being such a decent person that she can't just walk by -- tried to lighten the mood by saying, "Sorry, sir -- same situation!"

Did I mention that she was wearing a $80 puma jacket and his only abode was the space under his ratty umbrella?

So, having offended this poor homeless man -- on whose turf we were no doubt infringing -- we made fifty-five cents and decided we couldn't stand the humiliation anymore. Finally, we started walking the other way on Mass in a naive search for another bus stop.

This is where the night got a little better.

Ash noticed a couple of cop cars and wandered over to ask advice. After asking her a few brief questions to ensure that she wasn't drunk or high, one of them offered to give us a ride since AU is in his district. We piled in with breathless thank-you's and prepared for a very interesting experience.

First off, cops are crazy. He accelerated from 0 to 50 in a matter of seconds on a rain-slicked 35 mph road... Ash and I could literally feel the car sliding. Worst of all, I had to keep repressing the urge to say "Wow, you drive like me!"

Then a taxi cut us off. The cop cursed, flipping on his lights, pulled the guy over, and yelled at him. This was emotional vindication for every time a taxi has ever cut me off, and because I suspect many of you will feel the same way, I took a picture.


I had to be very stealth while taking this, and immediately afterwards he turned around and I had to hide it in my bag while smiling brightly.

He dropped us off in front of Hughes... we couldn't open our own doors, because it was a cop car, so we had to roll down the windows and grope for the handle.

I rushed home, frantic to get to work (for which I was an hour late)... only to find that, after all, I wasn't supposed to start until the next shift. Yay!

Tired but wiser...

As of late, I have been filled with the joy of fall.

Even though I'm struggling beneath a crushing course load, I'm having a wonderful time.

Rick arrived last Friday and left yesterday morning, after a long weekend of movies and long conversations and wanderings and really scary propositions for Chinese food. Rick is like a breath of fresh air here at AU, and although I'm sad that he's gone he left me that much happier.

Last night, Ash and Adam and I prowled DC. The high point of the night was Adam scratching my head on the metro platform at Gallery Place while I kicked my feet in glee and clung to his legs happily. Bottom line: Dignity? What's that? Headscratch!

We also went to Ben's Chili Bowl, where, when I got up to get a bottle of water, a fortyish man came over to me with a slightly leering smile.

Man: Do you like poetry?
Kat: *fumbling, really not wanting to get stuck listening to poetry for a half hour* I'm not really a fan of poetry. More into literature. [To be fair, I was trying to remember the word for "prose" and couldn't, and ended up sounding more pretentious than I intended.]
Man: Poetry is literature.
Kat: True.
Man: I have some really hardcore poetry here. You know, radical stuff. It's a little like punk rock.
Kat: Punk rock isn't really my thing... thank you very much, though.
Man: You know what? You're really stuck-up. You need to come down.

Although Adam and Ash maintain that he was "just trying to get into my pants," I felt horrible. At the same time, I was out with my friends having a good time and he was the one who came up to me in a diner and demanded my attention -- which is incredibly rude. So why did I feel so crappy?

Then Adam scratched my head and everything was better. Afterwards, Hillary came over to the room, and we all hung out for about two hours. It would have been hard to feel bad after that.

I really do love my friends. Despite all my craziness this last month and a half, when I'm moderately sane I can see how lucky I am to know these people. I would do pretty much anything for any of them. They've all helped me enormously -- even Sara, whom I'm on the outs with now; meeting her last semester helped me adjust to AU twice as fast as I would have otherwise.

That's a big reason why I love this time of year. In late October/early November, things were finally starting to come together. I still had a bad room situation, but I was starting to make lasting friendships, as opposed to those "Oh, well, you live on my floor" acquaintanceships. And, despite the horror that was Forensic Chem, I was actually adjusting to college, as opposed to surviving it. That kind of thing sticks with you; now cool weather and fading leaves bring me joy.

But that's enough sap for now.

I cannot wait for Halloween. Actually, I can't even wait for next Tuesday -- then my US Foreign Policy midterm will be turned in and my life will be that much happier.

KitaKatze: I have to do a 6-7 page essay for [the USFP midterm] beforehand and then do some short answers during class, and I don't feel like I have a good enough grasp of the material to do either
LS4077: ugh
LS4077: that sucks! but i know you'll pull it off
LS4077: you always do, and you know enough generally to fake what you don't specifically
LS4077: besides, you could argue Stalin into introducing democracy
LS4077: :-)

And that, my friends, is why I love my Carey.

And because I apparently don't think about alcohol enough...

My macro professor is illustrating externalities by rambling about a brewery on the Potomac river that can cheaply produce beer. Yeah. A few classes ago, he was rambling about Johnny Depp and Kate Moss producing acid and pot together, and before that, he was talking about how many drinks a college student could afford to buy at the Tavern back when it sold beer.

Yep. And yes, this is the "little red hen" prof I mentioned before.

I'm going to let that sink in.

Anyway, I am back at AU. Last night, despite a train delay of two and a half hours, I was on time to work for the first time since, well, I started. Then I played pool for about an hour and got paid for it. Before that, I played Descent: Freespace on my laptop and got paid for it. Have I mentioned that I love my job?

On the downside, I'm a NARC monkey. Interestingly, despite my excessive mocking of the GARC workers last year, I have no qualms whatsoever about this development.

"Suppose I buy myself a great big muscular HUM-VEEEEE." Please help me. He's talking again. Now I'm trying to picture him "tooling around" in his big "HUM-VEEEEE." DEAR LORD NO.

In a completely unexpected turn of events -- I'm very happy to be back.

"Suppose I like you. I'm really fond of you. And I see you eating an ice cream... and I get PLEASURE FROM IT!" *pause while everyone chokes* "I'm getting a positive externality from this, and you can't even make me pay for it!"

At least this class is entertaining...

The earthquake.

I honestly don't know what to say about the earthquake. I'm staggered by how many natural disasters we've had in the last year. Katrina, Rita, the tsunami, the mudslide in Guatemala (more below), and now -- this.

For those of you who aren't keeping up with the news, yesterday an earthquake struck Asia along the Pakistan-India border. It was a 7.6. Immediately, the suspected death toll jumped from 2,000 to 3,000; this morning when I checked the news, it was 30,000.

To give you an idea of the devastation -- 250 girls were killed when their school collapsed. 500 more were injured. Hospitals have collapsed. People are being treated outdoors because the threat of hospitals collapsing is still too great.

My dad has been watching satellite feeds and the footage is unbelievable. There are children crying in desperation, wounds open on their faces, waiting to get somewhere where they can be helped. There are families weeping because they have less than $10 to their name.

30,000 people. I wonder how long it will be before we know for sure.

There was a mudslide in Guatemala on Wednesday. 1,400 people may be dead. Most are still buried. They may just declare the site a mass grave.

And, in still other horrifying news, a UN official has warned that the bird flu pandemic could kill between 5 and 150 million people.

I have no idea what to say.

Warning: This post was written under the influence of the depression that owns my soul.

This has not been a good month. It seems like everything has gone wrong, from problems with an old friend to two overdrawals (neither of which were entirely my fault) to academic anxiety to evil babysittees to the return of my manic-depression to at least three breakdowns.

My mom wants me to go on medication. My friends want me to go to counseling. I would sooner start lying to my parents and avoiding my friends than do either. I couldn't wait to go home; now I realize that I've told my mom too much and she's worried sick about me, and she can't treat me like a normal person. So much for the mother-daughter bonding time I was looking forward to... now I'm a mental patient. And Dad, according to her, is worried and believes there's something "under the surface" that I'm just not telling them. I have to ask -- with everything I've told them has gone wrong this semester, what more do they expect?

There's nothing to look forward to for the rest of the year... except, of course, Christmas break, spring break, and summer, but even those are kind of tentative. Christmas break will be interesting at best -- my cousins don't live in NH anymore, and putting me and my grandmother in a house together always is, because although she apparently respects my morals or something like that, she just doesn't seem to like me. I have plans to go to Ireland over spring break, but I don't think it will happen. I have plans to go to Italy during the summer, but again, I don't think it will happen. All I'm really looking forward to -- weirdly enough -- is Roz's wedding and her possible visit.

Oh, and finishing this semester and moving on to the next crappy wave of classes. Yay.

I've made a few new friends this semester, like Ian and Hillary; I've gotten to know a few old friends a bit better, like Shea; I've gotten a few jobs; nonetheless, my overwhelming impression of this semester so far is one of angst and paranoia. I don't want to go back to AU, but I don't want to stay in Elizabeth City, either. It's quite a change from my last visit home, when I would have been happy with either.

I'm tired and sick all the time, mentally and physically. I know I've been no fun whatsoever to be around since a week and a half into the semester, when things started falling apart. I'm questioning all my friendships and I've come to the conclusion that only one or two are worth anything, and I have no idea why my friends are still hanging around with me. Every time I'm around Adam or Ash I'm just wondering what's wrong with me, and I know I'm boring/annoying Adam and possibly Ash as well. I wish I could take this entire month and a half back and spend an additional month and a half in bed.

I need to do something to remind me of why I like DC, of why I like EC, but I can't think of anything I like in either place anymore.

I wish I could just take a year off... but I know I'd never come back.

Did anybody ever read Journey to the Center of the Earth?

I think I've sunk so low that I'm actually in that new world at the core. Rock on, Kat! You see, I actually just did a paper while in my Macro class. That either means that I suck as a person or that I'm the best time manager ever.

However, credit where credit is due; today is the first time I've attended this class since... *pauses to get out planner* September 15. And I'm not even sure I attended it that day, so it might have been September 12. Either way, it's been a long time. I had no plans to attend it today, but realized that I might want to ease back into the routine, since I have intentions of, you know, actually doing the class thing after fall break.

I cannot wait to go home. My dad changed his plans so he could be home over my fall break! I'm looking forward to spending time with him and my mom, to say nothing of my cat. My train leaves at 7:30 AM, so since I'm working until 2:30 tonight, sleep might just be pointless. I suspect, however, that if I do not go to sleep or at least turn off the lights and TV, my roommate will kill me, because she has an exam tomorrow. *evil little grin* I could make her sleep in the hall...

Speaking of my roommate: although I love Ashley with the all-consuming general "like" a vegan bears for tofu, I'm going to look into living off-campus next year. I'd miss being able to flit down to friends' rooms to hang out and/or form spontaneous study groups, but I'd probably retain my sanity better, and right now it's a finite resource. I haven't made any decisions yet -- come on, I haven't even looked at prices yet -- but it's definitely a consideration. Right now it hinges on whether or not I can find a good roommate. I do not want to play roommate roulette.

Class is over, and my blog has been updated... therefore, it's a productive day.

The saga of Kat vs. Chevy Chase has ended...

And I guess you could say they won. They messed up a simple transaction and hit me with an overdrawal fee that wiped out my last babysitting check. I went to talk to a manager who informed me that if I'd deposited the check using a teller, not an ATM, everything would have been fine -- but they still can't take off the overdrawal charge because, frankly, they don't want to. I paid off the charge and am withdrawing my business to join the hordes of people dissatisfied with their institution.

Maybe I'll make a Facebook group. How else do you deal with unimportant college angst?

Speaking of which, Ian and I have created our very own Elevators Are for Floors 4-7 Only group. If you agree with our creed, and I assume you do, because you are absolutely inhuman if you don't, join us and fight the good fight.

I had a truly lovely time last night at the NARC. Ian visited me, and I met a few other McDowellers who were entertaining. Despite the techno music one of the visitors put in the player, it was a good night.

However, I trust that Friday will be even better, because I will no longer be here. All the angst that has added up over the last two weeks is starting to drive me clinically insane. A nice long break to catch up on work and catch up with friends will make me very happy, as will prowling Wal-Mart at four in the morning. Livin' la vida loca...

Here you are with a backstage pass to Kat's First Night on the Job... enjoy the show.

Well, here I am at my job. One of the four, anyway: I now have three babysitting jobs, one of which is at a predefined time every week (Tuesday, 12:30-5:30) and two of which are at the parents' convenience. In short, I will be rolling in money by the end of the semester, assuming I don't spend it all. Speaking of which, I've taken to keeping track of my finances with Quicken, and the week and a half during which I was deprived of my laptop nearly killed them. It feels very good to have control over everything again. That brings me to my good news - my charger got here today! Dance!

In fact, this Monday has gone pretty well. After staying up until 4:30 rewriting a macro paper and a Spanish paper, I rolled out of bed at 8:00, went to Spanish, dropped off the macro paper, and went home to sleep through two classes. I then skipped yet another class to write yet another paper and attend a meeting to get our debate team out of trouble with Student Activities, or at least off probation. I did, however, go to Theories of Democracy... where I cleaned up my email and updated my Quicken info.

I attend class less than anyone I know, and when I do go, it's kind of pointless.

Speaking of debauchery, Adam, Ash and I spent yesterday at a carnival in Baltimore, at which I... wait for it... smoked my very first cigarette! My very first three, actually. They were nicotine and tobacco free, which I, in my naivete, thought meant they were okay... Adam and Ash brutally educated me by telling me of the miracle that is "tar." Apparently I'm so straight laced that I don't understand what's bad about the things I don't do.

Anyway, the cigarettes gave me a headache and made my lungs sad, so I can't be hardcore anymore. *weeps*

Breaking news: I suck at carnival games. I tried one water gun game three times to win a stuffed lizard... Ash won on her first try... I failed every time. It was kind of pathetic. I did win a dolphin, but, to be fair, that was a play-until-you-win rifle game. I then had a dream in which I ran around campus firing a rifle randomly... I thought the rifle was fake, until some girl followed me home from the quad yelling at me about how I almost shot her. Moral of the story: Carnivals engender violence. And they're run by terrorists!

I'm off to do NARC-related things, like watch The OC. I curse you, Adam, for feeding the addiction! *clings to her borrowed DVD's* No! I didn't mean it! Don't take them awaaaay!!